We Shall Overcome

Disclaimer: This piece is not one of my general observations about life. This one is very personal, from my own experiences.The topic is serious, and I do not claim to be an expert on it, but as a person who has been through this for a pretty long time, I thought sharing the experiences might help someone who is looking for it.

I was 11 when I had got my first copy of a Harry Potter book, and unlike others, I had started my journey into the Potterverse right from the third book. At 11, I had read the book, never realizing that the dark soul-sucking creatures called Dementors are not just a fragment of the author's imagination. They are real, they can affect anybody around us, and we call them by the term of "Depression". The symptoms and effects were so similar, but I had hardly noticed when I was first hit by it. I was 16, my maternal grandpa had passed away, and I had my first encounter with one of the major truths of life: Death. 

Over the next few months, I was coping up with grief, or at least that is what I thought was going on. On the outside, I had later heard from my parents, I was going slow. I would sit at a place, forgetting whatever I was doing, and just stare blankly ahead. In school, I was acting normal with my friends, but at the back of my mind, I kept questioning everything, I didn't know if it was real, or if it had happened at all. I was lucky that my parents had taken the hints and did whatever was needful. I was lucky, I came back to life in full spirit within a year. I believed so, for the next few years.

I have always been a happy-go-lucky person, absolutely jovial and full of life. I mostly have a sprint in my walk, and a grin on my face, laughing out loud, and talking my heart out. Being an only child, with both my parents working, I had spent a considerable amount of time alone in my childhood, having a ball in the empty apartment. Loneliness doesn't affect me like most others, I enjoy it as much as I enjoy good company. I have loving parents, a doting partner, a successful career and a healthy body, in short, I have quite a perfect life, touch wood. Why am I showing off my good luck here, in a world where many others need so many of these? To prove, that I have no reason to be depressed. It doesn't fit in my life. And that is where the Dementor analogy sets in.

On a good day, when everything is working just fine, my mind starts playing up. It reminds me of a long lost tune that I may have heard in my childhood, and my heart yearns for those times. I feel the void of the people who had once been the most sturdy parts of my life, the good moments, the little things. A yearning, that my mind knows is meaningless, people don't stay forever, they die, we have to accept their loss, but my heart aches. It is a gnawing pain, that defies every logic. 

After a great party, when I put my head down on my pillow, ready to sleep, something tugs at me, sometimes clear, sometimes I don't even know what it is that my heart wants. It simply makes me tear up, wetting my pillow, and I just have to go through it until the pain subsides. As much as I try to make it go, my mind grapples at every memory that would make things worse. The pain increases, I cry harder, still trying to grasp a little shred of happy memory that could lift me up from this hell.

When everything by far is perfect, and I am minding my own business, doing good stuff and making things happen, all of a sudden, a voice in my mind would sound "I wanna die." As mentioned before, there is no reason for such a thought to cross my mind. There is absolutely no regret, no unfulfilled wish, no unearthly craving in me to make me go through any of this, yet here I am, feeling all of it, averting them one at a time.

I do not understand what this is, I only guess it to be a form of depression. I don't know where this has come from, and I only wish one day in the future, I will realize that it has been a long time since I have felt any of these pangs. But till that day, I try to make every moment productive, every memory joyful, and every little bit of me as happy as I can. In short, I don't want to feed the depression, I don't wish to give it any excuse to have more power on me. I don't know if there is anybody else who has similar feelings within. This is the first time I am putting it out here, as I never wanted a discussion about this to turn into a wayward joke, or a ground for anybody to try their self-proclaimed expertise on. I am putting this out here, with the hope, that if anybody has similar discomfort, you are not the only one struggling, I am there with you. I will lend you a ear, and I do not have the capacity to judge you, as I myself know, what is going on in your head. You can conquer it. We can conquer it.

The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

Our senses guide us through life. We mostly can't imagine our lives without the five senses of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. If, any one of them is compromised, life changes for us. We try to make up for it by hightening the other senses. Yet, there are times in our lives when we feel the need or the help of a sense outside these five prime ones. Commonly known as the intuition or the sixth sense, it has helped us all in various situations in life, even before the problem may arise in many cases. Some call it the gut feeling, some say, it is the voice of God in our heart, nobody can really put a finger on it, but we all have been helped by it for sure.

Yet, we all have had instances in our lives, when, despite being poked by this sixth sense we have gone against it, and have landed up in sticky situations. At times, we didn't have any choice but to do so, and at other times, that is what we have made ourselves believe. With the pressure from the superiors, at the family, at the work, the societal pressures, more than often we find ourselves in a tight position, where we really don't have much choice. Believe it or not, most of such situations are the same as that where an elephant is chained to a plastic chair and they believe that they are tied down, unable to move at their will. Despite as many times as we have been told in the books, or the movies or by friends, and even in self-reflections, we do not listen to our heart. That, needs to change.

Since childhood, we have been taught a number of things. Those lessons have been set deep inside our minds, and they resonate at times in the form of our conscience. While most of them stand strong as principles for life, some of them have become outdated with time, and if we weigh them against the present world scenarios, some of them needs remoulding, or absolute unlearning. To carry on the cycle of society, some of these teachings have pinned us down. While we have been taught from our childhood not to judge a book by its cover, most of us do just that, to satisfy the urge of getting the social acceptance. We settle down with people that we choose, but sooner or later, when we realize that this is probably not the best of our choices, we are tied down with the idea of loyalty, no matter what, we have to stay back, or else the society won't accept us, it will label us with different harsh terms.

What we fail to realize is, how long can we continue with a crumbling structure of unhappiness. In our plight to make things look perfect from outside, we slowly fall deeper into an abyss of darkness. What we have never been taught along with the social principles is that, we cannot make anyone happy, unless we ourselves are happy. Be it our job, be it our partner, be it anything that is important to us, our heart knows what is important. We let our brains to set the priority for us, but, we must also run the list by our heart. Any glitch in that test-run and a reconsideration of the matter becomes imminent.

Pleasing people around us feels really good. The appreciation feels so nice. However, let us not turn it into a force that drives us up the wall, or makes us do things that we don't want to. We are humans, we make mistakes and we learn from them. We must take it in our strides. More than anything else, we must know, that the heart wants what the heart wants, and it will try to achieve it someday or the other. The later it will be, the more violent the outburst is going to become. So best, let's not force ourselves against our own hearts. Inner happiness can make a lot of situations, and a lot of journeys much better than they are, better than the ordinary. We must not deprive ourselves from that chance.

United We Stand

We are molded into our shapes, into what we are, who we are, by everything and everybody that surrounds us. Right from the beginning, we have seen and copied most of the things that happened around us, done by our parents, or family members. Slowly, as we begin to unfurl, going out of the inner circle, into bigger environments, where we interact with people other than our family, we get exposed to different cultures, habits, ways of life and ideas. Just as we start picking up these new traits, we are again shaped up, nipping off the unnecessary extras from us, by our teachers. Little by little, we are trained to think in a way, act in a way, judge in a way. The good and bad are pre-decided. We are taught to follow by that, to live by that. With our growth, we chance upon newer surroundings, however the primitive ideas are set within us firmly.

It is very important for our survival, that we know how to learn as we continuously grow. We must stay updated, we must go along with the time, so we must pick up new skills and ways as we move forward in life. However, what we mostly ignore, or are unaware of is the fact that, it is equally important for us to know the process of unlearning what we have learnt. Time is changing, life is changing along with it. The values, culture and ways of life are in a continuous move, and to keep up with the pace, we cannot let ourselves be tied down to what had been initially installed in us. In the process of updating ourselves, we must also recycle the old ideas to bring in the new ones. Many of us have been brought up in conservative families, with strict ideas that oppose many of the general trends that we have around us today. Legitimate words like homophobia, xenophobia and many such others have been instilled in us, day by day, in the name of right and wrong, in the name of religion, in the name of unnaturalness.

Today, standing in 2020, if we cannot unlearn them, replacing them by kindness, compassion and empathy, then evolution loses its cause. We are slowly coming to terms with ideas like 'Age is just a number'. Even today, people are fighting on movements like Black Lives Matter and Me Too. In all our advancement as an entire race, we should pause and think for a moment that where is the advancement, if we cannot accept everyone as our equal and own, even today. While we teach the kids that the world out there is big and bad, we are using no chance to make it any better on our part. The world is going from big and bad, to downright mean and worse, while we sit in our house, criticizing the external affairs.

A man, who doesn't abuse a girl verbally or physically is taken to be a hero, someone out of the world, an absolute miracle. We look in awe at girls who don't speak ill of other girls, or a young guy who goes out of his way to help an elderly person. If these basic acts of life elicit such awe from us, is it not time for us to sit back and think where we have collectively put ourselves down? Why a pandemic lock down makes the roads safe, because there are no people on them, and the domestic violence and abuse case numbers fly through the roof, because everyone of those people are in their houses? Why a girl feels safer with gay men, but not with straight ones? When we have collectively abandoned the idea of consent and brought out our primal instincts to the surface so blatantly? Today  scruples and honesty are mostly seen in books, and gallantry, at the most can be seen in commercial advertisements. If that is not shameful, what is?

The Rome wasn't built in a day, building a better world will take much longer than it took to build Rome. And the task is for all of us. We have our ideas, our prejudices, our pre-installed thought processes, but with a little bit of effort, they all can be rearranged. Human beings are intelligent, capable of doing a lot, able to love so much, yet there is so much hatred around us, so much darkness. If we try individually, our love, compassion and thoughtfulness will shine out like dots of lights. A dot here and a dot there cannot counter this vast darkness, but if we try, we can light up more dots, bring in more loving hearts, grow up better humans, with better understandings of the world. A sea of dots can easily wash over the darkness. Our world looks best when it is lit up.

Keep Me Burning

Humans are social animals, animals nevertheless. No two people are alike. Some love being the center of the attention, some run from attention of any kind. While both of these moves are absolutely their own choices to which they are entitled, it is also the bad virtue of  humans to judge. We judge the others, the moment we find something dissimilar. We judge, when our ideas don't match, we judge because in our own minds, we know the best. The others are never as important as us, and if they are, the same others would stump us out, the basic nature of us, social animals.

We, in our own little stories, are the flames that give the light to others so that they can see what is going around. In glory, we burn bright, in misery, it seems that life is up against our flames with strong winds, we flicker, but we do survive. Our survival, our stories, our ups and downs are all encompassed in that one little lamp of life, and as long as life goes, we must keep burning.

We don't live alone. Humans have built an entire society to live in and live by, and if some of us just can't go through all the rules of the society, still we are not all alone. We have a close few, who make our life what it is. For others, who are extremely sociable, there are so many, far and wide, a big number of people around. Their life seems to be a party, so bright, so much mirth, fun , laughter and light. When seen closely, we are all lighting our own little corners. With a number of lamps lit together, of course, the scene is bright, and pretty and shimmering with joy. But our close knit groups of lamps look equally beautiful from afar. Most importantly, even if somebody is absolutely lonely, their own light is enough to show path to another, to flame up an entire forest, to give the light of life, to somebody else.

So it is our duty to regularly oil our lamps to keep us burning. Our own, as well as of those who are around us, the lights must shine. We must know what fuels us. Desire is one of the most effective oils. Unless we are driven by a desire, what would we aim for? What would our goals be? Desire is important to burn our own lamps. However the same oil cannot be used to fuel those around us. They need something different.

To light up those around us, there is no better fuel than kindness and compassion. It might take a few minutes of our lives, it might be just a mere few words to us, but we really never know the wonders that could be achieved by a few kind words of compassion and encouragement. Maybe that's all that is needed to guard a flickering lamp facing a strong wind. Maybe, those few words could liven up a dying flame. Truly, there is no bigger joy than to watch someone lighten up with a bit of our own help. Whether they acknowledge it or not, we know what we are capable of.

We often talk about the world being a big bad dark place. If we know the right people, the world doesn't remain so dark anymore. It is important to know who are out there to help us keep our flames bright. It is equally important for us to be one such person, who would keep burning, and help the fellow lamps light up the surroundings. Together, we could never fail to create a bright and beautiful world around us.

You Only Live Twice

The journey of life is truly a very colorful one. It is full of adventures, new places to go, new people to meet, new things to see, an extravaganza of experiences. We may almost dare to call it a carnival, where we are lost in our own tune, trying to find our way back, getting shoved this way and that way in the crowd of people around us, but ultimately finding our spot, or maybe not. In all that we see, all that we learn, our life forms its own shape in the process. Our experiences shape it up, our stamina helps it grow, and most importantly, our determination defines that shape. And yet, in spite of all this, at times, we fall short of expectations. These expectations might be our own, might be of others, not always can we fulfill them all. Some of us cope up with that shortcoming, while there are some, who just fade away. Most of us miss out an important point here.

The important point being, you only live twice. Yes, twice. Once for everybody around us, and once for our own selves. The length of these two lives depends on us, whether they will run parallel to each other, or they will come consecutively in order depends upon us. Whether we want to live both of these lives, or just one of them, totally depends upon us.

Our family, friends, close ones and not so close ones, actively and passively bring in a lot of goals in our lives. These goals we love to meet, to see that one person smile, to make that one person happy, to ensure, that one person still has their faith on us. We take up the pressure at our own will, but the task is not always smooth. Like every normal task, hurdles come in, things get complicated, and even before the others come to know of it, we start doubting ourselves. Regret sets in, energy wanes away, things start getting darker, without the slightest of realization that all of this pressure is coming from that one cumbersome yoke on our shoulders. We can easily put it down and free ourselves, but mostly we forget to do so, or worse, don't even consider it as an option. 

A big part of this burden also comes from comparison. Either we ourselves, or our near ones, put up an ideal figure before us, and the comparison begins. Our life, our story, our journey, everything is compared to that one figure. Down this path, after some time it does not matter anymore if we begin to judge a fish by it's flight capacity, all that matters is, if they can, why can't we! Needless to say, this path is absolutely unhealthy. Our mental health, physical well beings, moral judgement, everything suffer, we change as people. Nothing else matters, except the fact that we have to reach that bench mark that has been marked by somebody else. Comparison blurs out everything else, comparison kills.

The second journey is more self -centered. It conveniently evolves around self-set goals, self-evolution and self engagement. We set our own goals, smash them, and set the next. No peer pressure, no comparison, no rigidity, just what makes us happy from within. Our life, our story remains unique, having its own beautiful colors, reaching its own unimaginable heights. This may sound very self-centered, but then a person who is happy and contended from within, can best serve the others to make them happy, within their own capacity. Not only does the fish swim as far out as it wishes, it leaves behind all of them, who would expect it to fly up in the sky, even at the cost of life. 

Our lives are a combination of both of these journeys. Many of us have traveled down the first path way too long to ultimately realize how exhausting it is. Many of us had chosen the second path at some point or the other, to realize the bliss that comes along with it. We do not fit in every available shoe, no matter how fancy it is. Our shoes, our stories, our lives best be their unique selves, bringing out their own combination  of colors. It is upon us when to switch the paths, where to stop on one, and how to steer the chosen one. It is highly unlikely, that we can't turn one of these two lives into our own proud canvas full of arts.

Truth or Dare

As a child, I was told that to lie is to sin. Now what does a child know about sins, so to bring things to a clearer picture, it was explained to me, that if I tell lies, which is a very bad thing to do, I will have to face punishment, God will punish me, and will send me to hell, which is a very uncomfortable place. I tried to live a secure life, as a God-fearing little girl, never lying, always saying the truth. But life is not easy, not even for a little child. Soon enough, circumstances arose, when I would either have to tell a lie and face the wrath of God, or tell the truth, and face a sound beating from my parents. In the face of such horns of dilemma, going to hell seemed a far away prospect, even slightly amendable if I pray hard to God, but my parents looked far more dangerous. Thus came out the first untrue words from my lips, and I slipped slightly downwards, towards the gates of hell.

The results of this sinful act turned out to be very much in my favor, I got away scot free from the situation. But then I prayed hard, with all my mind and soul, asking God to forgive this one time, and I would never do it again, little did I know, that this promise was my second lie, to God and to myself. A second situation soon arose, and with a little more hesitation, I sinned again. The results by now were looking pretty neat, and the burden on my tiny soul was growing heavier. This time when I prayed for forgiveness, I dared not promise that this would never happen again. I was saving myself from getting into another trap of lies, I was opening a new path for myself, the path of crime, sin and treachery, on which, I didn't know back then, I would be cat-walking my way through.

By the third time, the little pious part of my soul had resigned. I knew that I had previously sealed my entry to hell, and this new lie wouldn't really be anything worse. So I lied, I lied left and right, up and down, big and small, here, there and everywhere. I had started my journey down this treacherous path with a mere " I didn't do it" for a broken plate, and now I am standing on an ever-increasing pile, throwing caution to the wind, knowing, I am not the only one building their own empire of falsehood. We are all in it together.

We truly have developed this habit, where it is not a big deal to slip out an innocent lie that'll do no harm to anybody. We cautiously say bigger lies to save our skins at times. Sometimes we lie to save others as well. At times we lie so that our principles may live, do what you will with that information. And the worse of the lot, there are those lies that we feed ourselves, consciously or otherwise, to make life a bit easier to deal with. Now life will remain what it has always been, difficult, not a bed of roses, and none of that can be changed with all the truth of our lives. But when we face ourselves at the end of the day, or look back at the path we have walked over the time, there remain some lies that look unnecessary, which were better of unspoken. Some lies about us, the ones where we tell things that we should have done, or how we should have been, yet we are not. When asked why,the most common answers that come to us are that the situations have turned us this way, or life itself has conditioned us in this way, and this, is one of the biggest lies that we tell ourselves. The last and most damaging lie in this series is that, now what's done is done, and nothing can be changed, we have to live with it.

In a continuous journey like life, where constantly people are changing, situations are arising, problems are being solved, and miracles are happening here and there, we can do away with the last lie, that we have to live with how we are. Change is the only constant, and we are definitely subject to change, just that we need to wish to bring it to ourselves. If we spare a few minutes of our ever-so-busy lives, taking time to judge whether all the things that we tell about ourselves to others, and that we believe within, are true or not, a couple of facts are bound to catch our attention. Here at this point, it is like a truth or dare situation. Do we start telling the truth, where we are not so perfect, not so ideal, not so adorable, but a very truthful version of ourselves? Or do we take up a dare to simply change ourselves to turn the lie into the truth, and become a better version? Truth, or Dare?

None of the choices is easy. This game we are playing against life, and when has life ever been lenient with us? If we just sit down to think on this line, we have started the game, and now we have to choose. Well, of course, there is always the easier, more convenient choice of calling quits on the game and simply continue with our well-polished lies, who would ever know? Nobody except us. But then, we will always know, that little tug at the back of our mind, that little prick in the corner of our heart will come back now and then, time and again. This is a game for the courageous, for the ones who can take up a challenge and complete it. And it is upon us to decide, are we game for it?

In Pursuit of Happiness

The year 2020 has brought with itself one bad virus that has got us all down to our knees. We have ranted about it for more than three long months now, locked in, unhappy souls that we are. However we have unanimously failed to realize all the pretty little lessons that covid-19 had taught us in these few months. Every year thousands of people die due to various common reasons like road accidents, tuberculosis, liver cirrhosis etc etc, but have we spared a second thought about that? Not really, we have crossed the streets like we own them, we have smoked out billowing clouds from our nostrils, and we drank like we would drown the world in our glasses. In came covid_19, and slapped us right across the face with the realization of how short and uncertain the life is. How today we are all here, but tomorrow, this pub would be empty like a graveyard. How happening places like shopping malls would be devoid of all, except the mannequins. How in the comfort of our homes we would start feeling claustrophobic.

'Life is short' is only the tip of the ice berg, when it comes to lessons that Corona has brought in. In one swipe, it has made so many of us much more self dependent than we used to be. With a dearth of  available facilities, there are so many basic skills, that we now have at our fingertips. We started by managing, scraping through, while practice has made us a pro these days, or we are on our way, to each, their own. This self dependency has its roots deep in our lives. In every sphere, this is one medicine that can cure most of our problems. Most importantly, this, can bring us to the end of our pursuit of happiness.

Great masters have spoken the wise words, to be happy, we need to give up our expectations. Without expectations, there shall be no disappointment, no reason to be sad. Very well put, but then, the words of wise men, and the life of a common man does not have much in common. The common man has wishes, expectations, hopes, and they all need to be fulfilled for life to go on, to take shape. If things don't go according to our plans, life seems to be spiraling down an abyss, and we try nails and teeth to catch on to something, and rise up again, and thus, the journey of life continues through the ups and downs. We cannot be too wise and live our common lives, we must follow the routine track. Yet, there is a loop, which can make things better for us. We may give up our expectations from others, and keep them solely to ourselves.

In the beginning it sounds all high and lofty, but when we come to think of it, it is the easiest way we have got to find our happiness. Waiting for others to fulfill our wishes, disappointment and heart burn on being turned down, we have all been there at one point or the other. However, that feeling of having it under our own wing, being in charge, and nailing it down, that is different, exciting and absolutely satisfying in its own sweet way. If by chance, it cannot be done, well, at least we know that we had given our best, and there is nobody else to blame for it. It sounds difficult, no doubt, but in the pursuit of happiness, it surely is the easiest way out.

Our dreams make us who we are, our ambitions and our choices shape us in and out. Depending upon how much of it we can achieve, we are labelled as successful, or, in unfortunate times, as a loser.  The label is put on us by the world. The world only sees the end result, no proceedings, not how much work was put into the matter, not how much effort went into it, none of it, only the neat end result. That is how the world has been for a very long time, we cannot change that. But when things are completely our under our own fingers, somewhere deep inside, a flickering light still shines on, that reminds us, no matter what the world may be saying, we know, why and what got us to where we are. Do not let that light out.

Life is a long long journey in this pursuit. Happiness, like a bright big ball, floats out in front of us, just out of our reach, tempting us to come and get it. One ball after the other, floating just out there, waiting to be grabbed. Now it is upon us, if we will dive head first into the water ourselves and capture the balls of happiness, or wait for someone to do it for us, if at all, they feel like doing us the favor. We may or may not reach out to the balls of happiness, but even if we cannot clasp our fingers around it, rest assured, we will still have the fun of one refreshing swim in the tides of life.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

What magnet does to iron, a mirror does to us humans. If there be a mirror in the room, we are bound to catch ourselves staring at it. Sometimes we steal a glimpse, at other times, we delve deep into it. As much as it preaches us not to judge a book by its cover, the world itself, does the very same to us. We are all very aware of the fact, that the first look matters, we must be presentable, make ourselves presentable for the world, to be accepted by it. Deep down inside, that thought never really leaves us, leading to two different ways, on either of which all of us are striding off.

One path is that where we take extreme care before we face the world. There are different ranges of it, starting form the apparels, to how we carry ourselves, with optional addition of make up, which is a whole new avenue all together. On this road, we are the perfection. This lock down period has seen so many of us, who usually go down this road, facing the world through the window of Zoom, with an appearance of remarkable precision, only on the upper half. The hair is set, the face is blushed, lips glossed, trendy top, danglers dangling in their correct angles, and below the range of the camera, it is a different world. The boxers, washed or unwashed, according to personal preferences, leading out legs that can give a gorilla a run for bananas. The backdrop in the view is tip top, shiny bright, while the floor down there has empty pizza boxes, beer cans, wasted paper balls, what else and what not. For more organized people, maybe things are not that filthy, maybe things are still in place even without a camera, but the self- maintenance, no cheating there!! That has come down a few rungs from its usual height.

The other path is miles apart, where lock down or no lock down, some of us have just come to the point where the world will have to deal with us the way we are. We will not back down at the peer pressure of presenting ourselves to the world's whims, and the story simply ends there. This path seems comfortable, but is the most difficult to attain in a world that force-feeds us with every possible idea and product, that would make us more presentable.

However, is it enough to simply prepare ourselves to be presented to the world? The person we see in the mirror is more than just that and we need to be kinder to that person, both physically and mentally. In our mind, we need to accept the person in the mirror, and trust me, in today's world of filters and beauty modes, the sheer nakedness of that person can be pretty alarming at times. And physically,it is just not enough to maintain ourselves for the world, our body has its own demands, which must be fulfilled in time. Whitening the teeth for a bright smile is not enough, the gums that hold the teeth together need equal care.

Acceptance comes in and for all shapes, sizes and colors. Our tones, freckles, acne, split ends, obesity, body hair, scars, stretch marks, all of them come together to form who we are, so why deny or try to defy any of them? The glorious poster girls who set the beauty standards for us, none of them wake up in the morning the way they are photographed. Even after brushing up concealers to places that we can't imagine needs to concealed, the photographs are further brushed up using Photoshop. The men, who are the baton bearers of ultimate masculinity either trains hard enough to shed blood, tears and sweat, or are produced before us, with CGI bodies that would suit the standard. And most importantly, it is their job to present themselves like that, to earn their bread and butter, that is what they need to put up. We, doing our 9 to 5 jobs, breaking sweat on road, coming home to chores, and ultimately going to bed with tired bones, we do not have the time, or the energy to maintain ourselves like that; with a little convincing, we could also realize that we do not even have the need to present ourselves on any pedestal. So the person in the mirror before us, the main character of our stories, is just what they look like there, and they are shaping up the story pretty well that way.

The physical nurturing comes in little bits and pieces, like we feed the plants in the garden, or take out a small piece of time to water them, that is all this person needs physically. Our kitchens are the beauty mart that we over look the most. Almost every ingredient useful for our skin and hair are available there. The wonders that some onion, lemon and coconut oil can do for our hair, or how some yogurt, turmeric powder and gram flour can glow up the skin, can give many chemical cosmetic products a run for their money. These are mere examples, several such combinations are sitting right there on the kitchen racks. The oral hygiene products can be put to shame by the regular rinsing of the mouth with warm saline water.

One need not expend enormous sums of money, to make themselves acceptable to the world. One need not push themselves to the limit to attain the benchmark set by the society. We are all unique, beautiful in our own ways, so any one benchmark cannot be for all of us, our benchmarks can only be set by us ourselves. And how we wish to reach them, or raise them further, all depends upon the amount of kindness we show to the person that we see in the mirror, the one, who will always be there by us.

Let There be Light

Life has come to a standstill like never before. We hardly go out, unless it is needed. The places where we used to hang out are all shut, we cannot visit friends at their places, and cancelling long-made plans has the new name of 'being responsible'. But none of this has the power to stop us from connecting. We are in 2020, we connect at a click. Yes, a click is all that is needed, and we have our friends over video calls, beautiful pictures from all over the world, updates from everybody we know, funny videos, messages ranging from 140 characters to 1000 words essays, lessons from the classes that we cannot attend in person, everything is right there at our finger tips. The virus has kept us in, but it couldn't keep our voices down. Our words, joys, worries, fun, frolic, everything is out there for the world. Such is the boon of internet.

We wake up in the morning to pretty messages, some of us take breaks from work to delve into the virtual world, some of us do the opposite, either way, the internet has little pills of every color that can make everyone happy. While the real world is curing herself from the overuse and abuse of humans, the humans have their own little ruckus party in the virtual world. And just like the old lore where too many vessels cannot stay together without making some noise, we too, are crashing and clanging against each other here. In our quest of happiness, we at times stomp upon grounds where we should not step.

"Our feet, our wish, we will have our own stampede", these disturbing words mirror the situation in the internet today. As  much entitled we are to our opinions, we have stopped heeding to the presence of any other opinions. Our words hold true, our opinions matter, our voice must be the loudest, so what if it is making somebody else's ears bleed, so what if it is spewing venomous hatred, so what!! This nauseating idea of self importance is spreading out slowly like thick fuming tar. We, sitting behind our keyboards, clicking and typing to our hearts' content, can name and shame anybody we want to. We can put the fat people to their places, calling out on their ugliness when they think they can dance. We can establish the supremacy of our race or ethnicity, it is easy, all we need to do is belittle that of the others. We can leak out pictures that were sent to us with utmost trust, we can create news with a few forwards, we can do anything that we aim to, and we do.

Some of us are at the center of this whirlpool, some of us are nitpicking the amusement out of it, some of us are simply ignoring it all, deep breathing and believing that this does not concern them. We are all in the same line, like a line of candles, illuminating a space, keeping the darkness away. While some of these candles have put themselves out, to avoid any accidents, some others are threatening to start a raging fire, believing that it is utterly needed to heat up this cold world. We forget our basic duty, to bring in some light.

It wouldn't be too hard to let others be. It is not necessary that we must agree to everybody, but it is also not mandatory to curse people having a different opinion. The world already has enough problems, bringing out news, fighting a war against a virus threatening to wipe us away, would it be too much to ask, to not create hateful ruckus among each other in these times? I cannot answer this question. I can only act, and wait for others, one by one, to act, gradually lighting themselves up enough, to bring out the light, to bring down the rage, and slowly forming a chain of light that cuts out the darkness of negativity in this virtual world all together.

A Moment A Day

The summer is here, and in some time the monsoon too, will be here, like they have come many many times before. That is what they do, they come and go, they pass by, while we are doing what we usually do, mind our business. In all these seasons, our time, our lives pass by, trickle out, like sand does from between our fingers, and by the time we notice, so much is already gone. But not completely gone are they, they leave back their imprint, they leave back a memory. Life basically is just that, a journey full of memories, some we cherish ourselves, some we leave back for the people around us to remember, when we are not around anymore.

Summer three years back, it was sunny out there, the sunlight trickling down the shiny green leaves of the trees, the cool breeze blew out, like a short breath, giving us a moment of relief, wild flowers grew on the grass, in some parts, a mirage shone far away on the street, and vanished as it was reached. The monsoon came, one day, the sky was laden with heavy dark clouds, a sudden gust of wind blew, it felt cooler, moist. The downpour heaved in, the petrichor arose, surrounding us, enchanting us in its aroma. We know all of this happened, happens every year, but that one moment is not there in our memory. It is lost, or rather overlapped by heaps of other "important" memories. We remember that one day when the client meeting didn't go as we wanted. We remember that one time, when we fought so bad with our parents. We remember that one time, when our partner hurt us, that we remember. We go through these memories like we flip through the pages of an old photo album.

Every passing day, every passing moment, these memories are being formed. Some vivid, some obscured, but they are all there in our minds for us to flip through later. And it is us, who decide, which ones will remain in the forefront, both for us, and for the others around us. Our every move, every bit of perseverance, all our decisions are somewhere based on how we want to be remembered. We don't last forever, but our deeds may. In this greed of an everlasting name, we are striving, and while we are striving, we are forgetting to save the little moments for us to feel, to remember, to enjoy. We give up our little moments, to make them better for somebody else, in the name of love. Then we sit counting, how much have we got in return, sometimes we gain, at others, there is a heavy loss. None of which would have occurred, if in the first pace, one had saved their own moments for themselves first. Not to confuse it for selfishness, it is self-love that we need to show.

Time changes, and everything changes along with it. The moments that we have spent on a particular person, or project, should never be felt as wasted moments later on. Not all projects are successful, not all people turn out to be worth the time spent on them, but we cannot foresee that always. However once things fail, there is no refund waiting for us. So the easiest way to save the moments from being wasted, is to enjoy them, to live each and every moment, to the fullest. These moments are well-deserved, they are our rewards for making them into what they are.

But then life is not a bed of roses. Tough times come, situations arise when things just don't go well no matter how much we try. We come across people who are not easy to be with. The decision is upon us. How much of it is worth fighting for. Our ambition-driven lives mostly coax us into trying a bit-harder, going on a bit longer, adjusting a bit more, showing us the mirage of the golden moments that can be achieved. What we forget most of the time is that, we are betting the time in hand, to reach that mirage. IF we manage to reach it, the reward is grand. However, if we cannot, all of it is wasted. How much we want to waste is all in our hands now.

One of the greatest life lesson that I had learned form Master Oogway is "Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is mystery; Today is a gift." Everyday, every moment is an empty page, which we can fill with all the colors that we want. A moment a day, we can create our own beautiful artwork to be cherished in our mind forever. The greed, the ambition, the others and their stories will always be there, our moments will not. They pass away like raindrops running down a glass window, rapid, one after the other. We can't hold them up, but we can definitely look through them, see the world in a different light, and cherish that view in the times to come.

Within and Without

The world runs at its own pace.Time and tide waits for none. We run the world, yet, like the hamster on a wheel, we must keep up with the pace, if we don't want to fall flat on our faces. So what if we are tired, so what if we are grumbling, we must move on, we must keep up. If we stop to think, it all becomes a blur. So much to do, so many responsibilities, so little time, and to make things worse, all of it is not made any easy for us by the others. What are they doing? Everybody is busy minding their own business, no time for others, no compassion, no harmony. We grumble on, hardly noticing the next person who is grumbling about us, and this is how, the world moves on, day after day, everyday. Our throats are parched, our backs aching, joints stiff, mind numb, but the show must go on.

As we run our daily shows, we often think of a holiday, a dream holiday, where we can relax, breathe, calm down. For once, the world has stopped. Unexpectedly, we have been granted that one week with seven Sundays, that we have always dreamt of. We cannot go out, all the work has been brought to us in our homes, our comfort zones. We have time, we finally have the break, yet where is the happiness? People are still suffering, what is the government up to, what is the opposition saying, where is the money going, what are these people thinking, what is new in the news, is that even true, how much longer will this go on, and so on, and on  and on we go. Happiness stands by, waiting for the chance to enter our lives.

But wait, there is one question that we have conveniently forgotten to ask in all this hullabaloo, among all of these questions that need to be answered, how many of them can be answered by us? What is it that we can do to make the situation a bit better from our sides? It can't be that we have no role in all of this, we run the world after all!In our anguish for the wildfire in the forest, we simply forget to water our own houseplants.

What were all the things that we had craved to do, if only given some time! The entire list is still out there, waiting to be done. The resources are limited, but the opportunities still remain unlimited. Our three most important assets are caving for our attention, the mind, the body and the soul. All the negativity out there, belched out by the news channels, the social media, in the family group, or from that one person, this is the time to cut it out. We sitting in our homes, cannot do anything about what is going on out there. The people on the lines of duty are doing their most. We can be grateful to them. But when the news and messages come in about what is not going right, or what is going terribly wrong, it is still those front liners who has to deal with it. We can do the most by not flaring out at it from our side, a wind is the worst for a wild fire. Seeking out the good news among all of this, a bit of joy, a little piece of laughter, spreading it out, that maybe all somebody needs to see right now in these trying times. We can give them that much, we can spread some joy, we can enjoy it as much ourselves.

Our own stiff joints and sore eyes have been crying for our attention for a long time now. Every inch of our body, the tired eyes, the broken skin, the split ended hair, the cracked ankle, it is their time now. A little bit of care, something here and something there, we know it within, that our body will respond. We have all the solutions at hand, a few free hand stretches, some yoga, some home therapy, beauty tit-bits, these have all been stored in the back ground of our minds for so long now. We had promised, someday, it would all be done, and that someday is here. Someday is today. For so long now, we have presented ourselves to the world, today, we can just present ourselves to our own selves, express and judge all we want to, and find our newer versions from within.

Our soul is very different from our mind and body. It craves for easily available pleasures, yet we fail to understand. It is not hard to please at all, all we need to do is close our eyes, take a deep breath and find our mind space, where we feel free, and light, where we can spend an eternity, where we want to spend an eternity. This mind space could be generated in our own living space. All those cozy corners we have checked and saved on Pinterest and Instagram for so long, they all have their reflections in our surroundings. A change of color here, a touch of fabric there, some more greenery in the corner, or that music list from the childhood, they all have their own magic to themselves. We are creators, creation satisfies us, and this is the time, when we can create to the fill of our soul, maybe in the kitchen, maybe in the balcony, maybe on paper, or maybe on the wall. Our soul never really needs much, it is happy with the little pleasures of life, those which are never very far away.

It was time that we wanted, it is time that we have been granted. Investing it on our most favorite person, ourselves, could never be a waste. A little a day, each day, every day, could create wonders. Storms never last forever, and this too shall pass, but at the end of the storm, let us be our own rainbows, fresh, colorful, gleaming in the sunshine, up and out for the world to behold. Think of all the rainbows that we all could create, the world would definitely be a much more beautiful place, much vibrant, way more refreshing.

One Day One Life

Life is a game of chess, one move builds the next. Every step leads to a goal, and one goal is followed by another. Rather it's a race, the earlier you start running, the further you will reach, don't stop, run, breathe hard, sweat, run, your muscles will ache, you will feel the blood rush to your ears, but don't stop, because halfway down the race, you have already realized, it is just not a race, it is a relay race. You have started it, and at the end of your part, you must pass the baton to the next contestant, your progeny, and then urge them to run, to run for their life, and run hard, because while you were racing, thinking life is a race, you never realized, when and how, the meaning of the race has changed. Now life is not the race, it is the trophy that you get when you win, if you win. And thus, it goes on.

From one point to the next, life changes its color, smoothly, the transition can hardly be noticed; but ultimately, if today, right now, we want to grasp it in our hands, everything slips through the fingers, except a simple calculation. The calculation of exactly how much life we have lived till date. All we need to do is count the number of regrets that we have in our life. From the total number, subtract the number of those regrets which were in the hands of destiny. Now divide your current age by this number that you have got here. Whatever the answer is, that is the exact amount of life we have lived. This calculation though, is easier said, than done. The most difficult part is to count the number of regrets, we all have a Pandora's box there, once opened, it is hard to keep a track of what we were actually doing, the risk of losing ourselves in it is far worse.

In all this racing, and urging, and gasping for breath, we have already lost most of ourselves. Time has ceased to be a moment, or a day. It is a period now, that ends at a deadline, which we must meet, or else we will miss the train.  Yet each day, the sun rises, the birds chirp and the flowers bloom, there is dew on the grass, there are tunes in the wind, which we have missed out all this time, which we are still missing out. When we try to reach out, we can't anymore, the cages we have built around ourselves will not let us. The cage of society, the cage of opinions, the cage of self-doubt, the cage of competition and  fear that we will be left behind. Once we realize our positions inside these concentric cages, that light of one day, becomes a mere mirage.

We humans have come a long way, from the cave days to today, we have managed, we have struggled, we have won. So a few self-built cages can surely be broken out of. We still have time, we can still grasp life by its collar, and live it, one day at a time, everyday. Our idea of life is mostly generated from what we see of others. Their life is the benchmark for us, and that is the very first mistake. Your life is different from mine. Our choices are different, our dreams are different, our thoughts, our characteristics, our principles, our emotions, our desires are different, we are not the same bro! So how can your life be my benchmark, or mine be yours? How do I even know that deep down you are happy with what you have achieved? More importantly, will I really be happy to just achieve the same, may be I need more, maybe I don't need it at all. We all use our egos as our armors for the outer world, but deep within, we don't let our ego define our individuality, and life slips a bit out of our hand there.

For generations we have been made to believe that others, our parents, our teachers, our friends, our partners, know us better than we ourselves do. This belief has apparently made us dependent on them, this belief has, in reality, amputated us of our self-worth. A guide can only show us the way, we will never make it if we don't walk the path. We have let them tell us what is good, where to go, what suits us, what to achieve, and we have most conveniently forgotten to ask our own opinions. Day after day,this has continued, until one day, when we realize that we are standing somewhere far far away from where we would like to stand. The world sees us as a winner holding the trophy, when we peek inside, we know, we are standing there, holding a consolation prize, the consolation of the guide's happiness. Are we happy though, it is already too late to ask that.

How we live, how we have lived and how we will live the rest of the remaining time we have is subject to market risk, the risk of opinions. "Will the society approve?", is one question that the society has trained us to dread. From trivial things like our skin tone to important decisions like our career moves, our love life, what we wear, what we eat, how we sit, how we chew, how much we talk ,or how less, every thing is under scrutiny. The society holds us all together, with its rules, with its admonishing demeanor, with its bloodshot eyes, and we live, sorry, spend our days, going gingerly by the rules, but at what expense? In it's quest of holding us together, society has forgotten to teach us about love, about the basic needs of equality, and has sheeped us down to a point, where we are afraid of our own rightful desires.

If we look beyond all of this, we are left with a simple picture of life, a space which we can call our own, a piece of sky, where we can fly as high as  we want, for as long as we want. Little desires, our very own, little hobbies, little pieces of a discarded wish-list. A space, where we own ourselves, completely, fearlessly, where our own opinion matters, where our choices are important, where we shall not let anybody frown upon us, a space decorated and enjoyed solely by none other than us, ourselves. Where each day has its own meaning, something to enjoy in it, something to look forward to. A space where one day, is one life, and you get to live it at your own call. The calculation of life of life has already been done, you know how much you have lived, and how much you have spent or wasted in regrets. Let each of your upcoming days be your one day of life. Live, breathe, let go, the world will bloom afresh for you, the world will seem a better place.

To Be or Not To Be

In between the two of you, when things are not how it should be, when do you know, if it's time to leave?

Life is like this open space filled with little enclosures. Every enclosure is a relationship, a room, where there are two people.We each, by our own merit, own several such rooms, some big, some small, some, which we rarely visit, and some, where we love to spend most of our time. The memories form the bricks, building the walls little by little, until they grow from one little brick to a full room, in which you reside. But then there are rooms which are much like the witch's hut that we have read about in the story of Hansel and Gretel. Oh the roof is of ginger bread, and the walls are of chocolate, and the windows are candy and the carpet is candy floss. These rooms are attractive, colorful, and don't we all love to be in there! But soon enough, the realization dawns upon us, the room is devouring us more than we are devouring the parts. The cost for that little fun, that little sense of belonging, and that little mirage of love is much more than we can afford. The question is, what do we do now?

Once we have the realization of what is really happening, many options open up to us. We may brave it and win over the situation. We may sit in a corner and wait for a miracle. We may want to change it and find ourselves too weak for it. The most difficult option here is to find the door, and leave. The room in itself is not the biggest problem, the problem is the person we are with, in the room. Given a chance we would still want to leave the room and look at it from far away at times, wondering away, but it is this person, that we can't abandon. This person who has given us all the sweetness and care and love and warmth, we can't just leave them out there, that's selfish, that's wrong, that's almost evil!

These moments, when all of these emotions and thoughts rush in, and the heart is at a war with the brain, deciding to do or not to do, to be or not to be, these moments feel like ground glass under our eyelids. They must be dealt with, yet they hurt so bad. Everything comes into play, all the time, energy and emotions that have been put into building the room, how strong the walls have become, how each and every brick of a memory seems so precious, yet how each and every moment in the room seems to suffocate the life out of us, we can't breathe, our eyes water, and we feel more weak with every passing moment.

One small thing that we tend to forget is that, the doors to these room are never really shut. They are always ajar, just at the stretch of our fingertips. Whether we will reach out for it, or we will sit and wait for the never-to-happen miracle, is solely upon us. The least that we can give to ourselves is some fresh air to breathe, to get our thoughts straight. Nothing is more important to us than our lives. We are the architects of our own lives, we build our own spaces, we break and rebuild them to our convenience and comfort. Our biggest responsibility is nothing but ourselves.

As selfish as it may sound, our world actually revolves around us, cause if not for us, that world will cease to exist. So if by chance we find ourselves in one such toxic room, for the sake of everything, we must take the chance, get hold of the door and step out. Standing outside the room, breathing fresh air, or maybe visiting another room to lighten our souls is all the help that we need to find our way. Not always do we have to abandon a person, sometimes good ways come out of nowhere, sometimes, the person just follows our suit and gets some fresh air themselves. Yet, not all spaces can be saved.

If you have followed this far, and can relate to all of it, you know, sometimes, you have to let go. You have built it once, you can do it again, you have all of it in you. If you feel drained, all the emotions sucked out of you, all the energy put to waste, all the time just gone by, know it for yourself, there is time, as long as there is life. There is nothing that cannot be replaced. Give yourself time, to heal, to feel, to know what more is out there in the open. We are all weak after we recuperate from an illness, give yourself that much time and care, and with time, the weakness is bound to go away. The world is your oyster. You will find what you seek, in a new place, at a different time, better and stronger than before. It might be you get your old person back in a new and refreshed form, it might be it's a different person altogether, but there will be someone to hold you again. Just make sure, that by the time you find this person, you find yourself completely. A new room to fall back upon is always welcome, but the strength to build that new room, bigger and brighter than ever, should be in you.